The time has come when we finally bid goodbye to the month of love, colors, and happiness. However, we didn’t want to give pride month a basic farewell. Hence, we decided to get in touch with Harmless Hugs. It’s an NGO based in Delhi that works towards supporting the community and spreading more awareness among people. So, here you’ll be witnessing a fun yet informative conversation with Harmless Hugs.
Just because pride month is ending doesn’t mean we stop supporting the community, but we do owe a meaningful goodbye to this month. You need not take off your pride flag because every month is equally yours. So, without any further ado, let’s move to our conversation with Rishu Kapur, who is working as the core team member for Harmless Hugs since July 2017. Filled with laughter, information, and thought-provoking answers, this interview is bound to bring a trend of positive change. Now keep scrolling to know more.
In Conversation With Rishu From Harmless Hugs-
Let’s go back to the beginning; how did Harmless Hugs start?
It was started by a member Vinay Kumar. This was initially just another casual Facebook group started by someone, and then Vinay renamed it Harmless Hugs. Eight years ago, there were no such spaces for the people of the community to interact; they used to feel lonely. At that time, we had apps like Facebook, Orkut, and Grindr, but people were there only talking about sex. These apps didn’t provide the connection that our community needed. So, with the ideology of bringing harmony and making queer people feel they are being heard, Harmless Hugs was formed.
We did set a few guidelines, such as no discrimination based on religion; for us, everyone is the same. Not only this, but we also decided there would be no political conversation to avoid conflicts. Eventually, the founders’ team left, and a new team came up to serve the community.
How did you come up with the name, Harmless Hugs?
As per my interpretation, the idea behind the name Harmless Hus is to let people know we are harmless. We are as lovable as anybody else out there; hence we believe in hugs.
When Harmless Hugs began, were there any struggles faced?
Oh yes! Harmless Hugs have gone through many ups and downs, I would say. The first ups and downs were when Harmless Hugs was initiated, the second time when the second core team left, and the group was frozen for three months. So, when the third team and I joined, we didn’t start from zero but the negative.
The journey of rebuilding our image, gaining trust, and reassuring people that we are here for a better change was tricky. We were prepared for the worst situations, like our names being dragged into made-up scenarios, unwanted conversations, and controversial topics.
Do you think the decriminalization of section 377 brought any change?
Absolutely, yes! So, we have crisis calls where we help people of the community dealing with tricky situations. The admins’ numbers were available on every platform. Earlier, we used to get so many calls from across the country that they had been beaten; they had nobody and nowhere to go. However, these crisis calls decreased drastically after the decriminalization of section 377.
I call these calls ‘the stupid calls,’ and they have reduced. The scrapping of section 377 really opened doors for a better tomorrow and change for good. However, we still have 99 problems to work on, and that’s a long journey. We have just started climbing the ladder, and there’s more to go. Like in 2019, the transgender act was passed, and that also helped the trans community to be empowered. So, these things definitely help bring a positive change to society.
So, moving to our next question, what’s a better way to support LGBTQ youth and their families?
People of the youth run harmless Hugs, and we have also noticed that youth these days is carried away by the trend of coming out. It’s a new trend to come out and not be heterosexual, which negatively impacts the queer community and their families.
So, I always tell people not to get carried away by the pressure of coming out. Everyone’s story is different, and there are consequences attached to it. Just because someone came out doesn’t mean you take the pressure to come out as well. You’ll have to consider your financial and emotional factors before coming out. Now Harmless Hugs has been consistently trying to educated people about how social media is making this a trend that one doesn’t need to follow.
As a Punjabi kid, I was taught to discriminate against Biharis, and people around me used to laugh at this. So, 9-10 years back, my brains were trained to do the same. I think families need to break the stereotypes and step out of their conditioning. People taught us to fear transgender or build myths for the community. I think it’s the fear of acceptance because no family wants to hurt their kids, but it’s just the societal norms that restrict the growth, which needs to be changed.
Do you think it’s necessary for the people of the LGBT community to come out?
I personally don’t feel there’s a need to come out if one doesn’t feel like it. I mean, why does the community has to go through the burden of coming out? You don’t see heterosexual people say we are straight, and when we promote the idea of inclusivity, there is no need to come out under pressure or burden.
I remember a beautiful statement by Rudrani ji; she was asked when and how she realized she was a trans woman in an interview. She politely replied that it wasn’t me but the people who made me realize it. I was always being myself, but the people around me made me feel the difference.
What is the biggest issue faced by the community right now?
As of now, there is another issue that the community is facing, and the government actually denies it. I am a part of the NACO, the only government body in India that is working for AIDs awareness. So, one thing we uncovered is the use of drugs and have sex after its consumption. When someone is on drugs they aren’t in the senses to make the right decision and that has led to increase in number of HIV people. The biggest issue is that majority of educated people are doing this, so how do we intervene?
Government is not willing to take the data and as per private NGOs’ data 30% to 40% of the community is infected by HIV. Yes, government has been working for the community but this is something that needs attention as well.
According to Harmless Hugs, what is pride month all about?
Pride is a protest; we are so rainbow, lovable, and cheerful people that we protested in a very positive way. So, pride started with a protest about the laws and rights that were against us. Every year, across the globe, people talk about what has been achieved and what more needs to be done.
We are a colorful and humble community that protests very positively. So, for me, pride is all about freedom, being myself, coming out, and being with my chosen family.
Do you think one can support the community by being an ally?
Yes, we need allies; we need people to support and give us the chance to be treated equally. Harmless Hugs has a queer theatre group, Tarang, which is free and available for everyone. There we try to sensitize and educate people with the help of theatre.
Our motive is to involve more and more people to give them a chance to know more about us. Believe it or not, we have seen positive changes in the people who came to see our acts. Surprisingly, people with low income and less education exposure are more accepting and open to learning about the community.
How can one create a welcoming and queer-friendly work environment?
A very subjective question, everyone has different way of accepting things. So, one has to understand how the other person is. When people come up to me and they compliment my long hair, I really don’t enjoy it; after all, I am more than my hair. Similarily, the community faces the same issue when one question is being shot at every point.
Most companies are falling into the concept of pinkwashing, where they will put themselves to be liberal and queer-friendly, but that’s just another means of their business promotion. This is highly criticized by our community! Back in college, we used to plead to people that it’s their moral responsibility to have gender-neutral washrooms but not anymore. It’s now mandatory as per the laws. So, it’s more about educating people and firms about the change in laws that are being infused to support us.
A word you’d like to share for a step towards acceptance
For me, it’s education and sensitization! This is what comes to my mind, if people are educated more about the community and how we shouldn’t be discriminated against, it will change the pattern of conditioning.
In the celebration of pride month, is there something you’d like to say to our readers?
Pride month is a celebration; let us celebrate the way we want to, and please celebrate with us the way you want. Neither are we judging the way you are, and please don’t judge us the way we are. Let equality and inclusivity prevail throughout with the humble gesture of acceptance and love around!
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Author: Shubhangi thakur
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